Stray thoughts....

Well, it has been quite a while. Not really sure where my inspiration has gone to write here. I got a nudge from my sis-in-law, so I guess I must put my hands to keyboard and produce something. I'm thinking she's gonna regret is as right now I'm not mentally in that great a place. I'm depressed, stressed out and coming down with a spectacular cold. So here goes, and don't say I didn't warn you ahead of time.

Life has taken a turn which has me a little freaked out. Right now I am the main income for the family, and I am realizing more and more that my job just doesn't cut it. Out landlord increased our rent by almost three hundred dollars a month to cover the sewers being put in, which couldn't have come at a worse time. We've paid through March, and will probably pay at least another month with the tax return, but after that I have no idea what we're gonna do. Even working full time I don't bring home enough to pay just the rent, let alone all the other bills that we have. This economy sucks and the stress alone is making my poor sleeping issues that much worse.

The kids are great, and they are my upside. We've been able to shelter from them the true depth of what we are going through, thank goodness. I truly don't feel it's their job to worry over things like that. Things with the hubby are great relationship-wise. I truly love him, and even with everything that's going on that hasn't changed. I love being able to spend more time with him when I'm not at work. I will admit to a little jealousy over all the time he gets to spend with the baby (though he's not quite a baby now at a year old) as I don't feel like I've gotten the chance to get to know him like I have the rest of the kids.

Well, that's my update for now. I really feel horrible, but have to be up so my mom can drop my sisters off at the butt-crack of dawn because her boyfriend is having surgery early this morning. I woke up about an hour early, but know that based on how I've been sleeping lately it would have been at least two hours before I could settle down to go back to sleep.

I guess I'm off. Maybe I'll go distract myself by playing World of Warcraft. Killing things always lightens my mood. (In game, people, only in game.)

Well, I'd like to send an apology for the pointless dribble that has been posted to my blogs lately. When I set up Ping.fm I didn't realize that my actual blogging sites were set to also get sent my micro-blogging info. As a result, everything I posted to Twitter, Plurk, etc was sent all over to my poor unsuspecting blogs. *sigh*

Well, I will be spending the next few days deleting all the junk from my blogs so that when people visit they are not bored to tears. (Or at least not as much, lol.) I think I have blogger cleaned up, I just need to clean Livejournal. MySpace can stay the way it is since no one reads it anyway... LOL.

Well, that's it for now. I need to work on my two writing assignments I accepted. (Especially since one is due today - YIKES!)

I hope everyone is doing well!
Have a great day!

Well, I took the plunge and actually accepted writing assignments. On Associated Content they have assignments and I finally broke down and claimed some. Wish me luck!!

I'll post the links when they're up.

Well, I'm off to working after I get my coffee going. I hope everyone has a great day!

(They may be shorter entries, but at least I'm blogging more often! *smile*)

I just wanted to take a second to say that I am hoping to be updating more often. I found a new service at Ping.fm that will post to all my services and save me running around from site to site, which was part of the problem before. We'll see. It may help with the quantity, but can't say on the quality... lol.

That's about it for now. The baby senses that I'm writing and must have a little baby freak-out. *sigh*

Well, until later...

Well, looks like it's update time again... Are you all sick of me yet? Wait, I haven't posted enough for anyone to get sick of me.

Well, I've been working my butt of writing for once. I have over 2000 words on one novel and a good start on background and plotting for another. Yes, I know I should be working on just one project, but the way my mind works I just can't do it that way. I need to be able to jump back and forth between things for my writing to flow. Strange, I know, but I never claimed to be normal.

I have a couple things published on associated content. Just an article and a poem, but it's the first site that actually has published something I have written, so it's a little exciting. I also get paid based on the number of views my submissions receive, so please feel free to look at them often and feel free to pass them around. (It's really not much, but hopefully it will add up if I keep publishing articles.)

Here's the link to the individual items:

Article: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/693407/the_beauty_and_terror_of_the_written.html

Poem: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/745353/fear_of_tomorrow.html

Here's a link to my profile to see if I have added more items. Please feel free to subscribe while you are there. It will then send an e-mail any time I am published:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/heatherquarnstrom

I've made a bit out of my personal blog on my writing site. I've added weekly contests for all subscribers, as well as some little contests here and there. I've also started a couple new blogs (yeah, I know, I can't keep up with this one, but still....) that deal with some information that's near and dear to my heart. They are Fibro Mommy (about dealing with fibromyalgia) and Mommy Scribbles (about dealing with being a writer and a mom) and are both still under construction. I haven't even changed the them and created my headers yet, let alone posted anything.

That's about it on my end. The kids are getting big and summer is looming on the horizon. (I think the kids last day is June 11th.) Kaidan has 6 teeth already! I've been a little cut off socially lately just trying to find time to do all the things I need to do, but at least I feel like I'm accomplishing some things that are important to me. (Wow, that was a horrible sentence, but you know what I mean... lol.)

I hope everyone is well. Off to catch up on some blog posts I hadn't read yet.
Take care!

Well, I have once again made a vow to begin writing. What does this mean for the handful of people that read this? I will be blogging again. Yes, that's right. I'm gonna do it again. (I can almost see the sarcastic comments rolling in as I type this.)

That being said, I have posted a new blog, and will probably be visiting my millions (ok, only three or four) of blogging pages I have to update them. Don't worry though, you won't see the same post many times over. What I am going to do it try to write a post announcing my posts to my main blogging site.

So, for those of you that haven't had your coffee this morning, we get to the "meat and potatoes" of this post:

I have updated my main blog. You can view the newest link by going to one of two places:

HeatherQuarnstrom.com and clicking on WebLog in the top corner
or
Click here to go straight to my Blog site.

If I feel I have a really great post, or have a lot to say I will be posting multiple posts to multiple sites. (Figuring that most people that read these little blurbs may not take the time to actually visit my main blog, I want to make sure my most important thoughts are seen by the largest number of people.)

Thanks for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you at HeatherQuarnstrom.com.

(Just as a side note, I will continue to use Live Journal to post the "more personal" aspects of my life to keep you all updated. So no worries there. LOL)

Have a great day!

Well, I know it's been over a year since my last post. So many things have happened, but I really don't have much time to post. I'll try to do a quick blurb on the major happenings.

My grandfather passed away in June of stage 4 lung cancer. He was diagnosed in March and he went very quickly. Almost 6 months from the time my grandmother passed away. I think he just really lost the will to live after my grandmother was gone. I was able to spend some time with him, though not as much as I would have liked. I got pregnant with my fifth and last child in February. My brother's girlfriend became pregnant on Christmas so our kids were due within a month of each other. Before my grandfather had passed we were able to tell him that he was having two new grandsons coming. So though he couldn't meet Kaidan and Dante, at least he was aware that they were on their way. My nephew was born on Sept 29 and Kaidan was born Oct 22. And yes, Kaidan is my last. I had my tubes tied the following day.

I've had some health issues off an on since then. I won't go in to detail now, and may or may not later depending on my mood.

My mom has had some health issues as well. Also a LONG story, and hoping it is going to have a happy ending. She's working on getting healthy now, so we will see how it goes from here.

That's pretty much the quick list of the last year. I'm back at work on a limited schedule due to breastfeeding, but started back on Jan 1st this year. I like being back and hate it all at the same time. I'm working on the web design/hosting thing as well as graphics now. The gift business is getting some business here and there. Thinking about adding my own handmade/crafted bath and body items, but not sure due to insurance issues. I keep going back and forth. For now at least I can use them myself and not worry about chemicals and other issues.

I've also started writing again. I even got a laptop so I can write when the computer is otherwise occupied. (Yay wireless networking! lol) I've upgraded my account here and at Critique Circle with the intentions of really pushing myself at accomplishing something other than promises of achieving something.

We also got a second computer (free except for the graphics card we had to buy for it) so we could get a second World of Warcraft account so John and I or the kids can play together. Yes, still addicted....

I think that's about it. It ended up longer than I planned, and I'm sure I left out quite a bit. At least you all know I'm still alive over here.

Oh, if anyone's interested please feel free to friend me at MySpace. I post pictures of the kids over there when I remember.

I hope everyone is doing well. I have been reading everyone's posts when I get a chance, just really haven't made time to comment.

I'm off to go find more cold medicine for this evil virus I picked up.

Take care!

I didn't really feel like writing, so I thought I would post some tickers I found for the kids:

 

Well, it seems like I am always catching up. I wish I could say it's because I've become insanely busy with my home businesses or that I have been visited by my muse, but.... It's not. I'm an addict, and my drug of choice is called World of Warcraft. Yes, I am admitting it. I have gotten sucked into this evil, horrible, beautiful, rich, varied landscape and I can't seem to stay away. It's been my way of avoiding my life and feeling things that I just can't deal with. It seems that everything that has happened has balled up into this horribly snarled not of pain, regret, and grief that I just can't seem to work through. Instead of taking the mature approach and working through it through talking to someone or writing about it I've decided that the ostriches have the right idea.

Okay, not really, but it sounded good, right? Honestly I have been spending the last few weeks playing almost constantly, but it's been therapeutic. It's given me the distance to feel that I can start to work through my issues without breaking. I have been making leaps and bounds in my novel at least as far as plotting and scene ideas. My character is coming to life for me, which has been a real issue for a while. (Part of that comes from scrapping the original one and going in a new direction entirely.) 

On the financial front - I got hired for a new job that I start on Tuesday. I will now be a lunch/recess supervisor. Pretty good pay, not a lot of hours (I think a max of 15 a week) but I can bring Brandon with me, which is what has been preventing most jobs. I get the same days off as the kids which is a nice bonus as well.

I have been working on my gift site as well as web hosting sites. I think I need I will need to put the web design on hold until I build up my skills. I haven't been keeping up with the new coding as much as I should, so I can't produce the kind of work I feel I need to do really well at it. I have the basics and all, but I lack the graphic program (it is stuck on my old computer) and some of the coding skills needed to make sites really outstanding. The plus side is that I can still do hosting, offer templates (which I get a percentage of), and install programs and modifications to them.

Well, that's about it. I hope to be able to post some better news. Maybe some progress on my businesses or with my writing.

I hope everyone is doing well!
Take care!

Well, the holidays were a blur. It seems that since everything is slowing down and the kids are back at school everything is hitting me at once. Nothing really had seemed real, but I think it may be starting to hit me. I've been pretty much hiding from everyone by reading or playing World of Warcraft (yes, I'm addicted to it, lol.)

The holidays were much better than I thought they would be. Christmas was with my mom and it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be. I missed my grandmother terribly but there were no break-downs or unexpected family drama. 

Strangely enough, I seem to be having the most problems with the miscarriage. It sent me down into a pretty deep depression. I was hoping to maybe try to get pregnant again right away to give myself something to be happy about, but logically I know it's not a good idea. I don't know. I just keep switching from being numb to being overwhelmed. I know I need to talk or write or something about it, but the words just don't seem to come to me. 

On an up note, I've been working on the writing thing again. Nothing worth reading yet, but I've found my inspiration again and think I may be able to actually accomplish something.

That's about it for me. I hope everyone had a great holiday!

I just wanted to give a quick update. My grandmother (my mom's mom) passed away on the ninth. It was very difficult, but I was there with her when it happened. She was an amazing lady that had been through so much in her life, and I miss her a lot. We will be having a memorial for her, but my aunt and grandfather decided to wait until after the holidays. I don't think my grandfather is ready to deal with any of it yet.

Anyway... I will write more tomorrow. It's my birthday so I can get away with doing whatever I want without guilt. *grin*

Thanks dragonwrites !

 

To all, I will post a real entry soon. So much is going on in my mind that I'm just taking a few days to let it all settle.

Love to all!

Well, I thought I would post a quick update. The holiday was good. It really helped to have my sister-in-law in town with her family. All the family around during the week helped take my mind off everything. I didn't talk about what happened much with anyone yet, but I'm getting to the point where I might post about it.

I had another blow the day before Thanksgiving. It seems that my job with my mother is being temporarily discontinued. She has been spending so much money that the estate is spending more money than they are making. She was told she either needed to take a pay cut or get rid of the aide job. Just call me "Alpo" because I was offered to the wolves on a silver platter. It kills me because she could afford the pay cut if she went out and actually got a job. I was working two on top of John's job and we were still struggling. The upside? She got them to agree to giving me two weeks notice, with my last day being a week from today. *sigh*

We've been working on cutting back. I am also going to start working on the web things again. Maybe between the hosting, web design, and gift items I can get some cash to help make things easier. John is talking about getting a second job at Blockbuster or something to help out. I suggested picking up some extra days at the store, but between the Fibro and the kids being in school we've decided it's not a good idea. They really need me to be here since three out of the four I only get to see for a little bit in the morning and then on my days off. The three days a week I work now is rough on them, but I need to keep them for my sanity. (I do need some outside socializing, lol.)

Anyway.... Looks like it will be another tight holiday, which kind of sucks since this year was going to be the first year that we were supposed to make a little more... Luckily we have very understanding family and they all spoil the kids. They don't seem to notice that it's a little sparse here because they get so many different times to open presents.

It will all be okay, I know. We've been in worse situations. We have a house to live in (and it's not my mother's basement), we have food to eat and none of our utilities are shut off. Most importantly, we have each other. Most people don't understand a bit family and having to struggle to support them, but for me it's worth it. My family makes everything okay, no matter what it is.

Enough jumping around. I will post more later, but right now I have to try to get out of my driveway to go work at my mom's. Though the kids have a snow day, I don't get one or else I don't get paid. Wish me luck!

I just wanted to make a quick post to let you all know what it going on.

Yesterday I lost the baby. I'm not ready to talk about it, and really not ready to write about it either. I just thought you all should know.

I will post more when I am ready.

Take care!

For those of you that are on MySpace and are one of my friends, you will recognize the above subject, so the contents of this post won' t come as a surprise. I have had some, ummmm..... interesting news within the past couple days. Due to the nature of Live Journal and having a captive audience you all have to sit through the back-story to hear what the news is though. *evil laugh* (Although I know you all have enough intelligence to probably figure where this is going with the title.)



So yes, the results are in folks. I'm pregnant..... again. Not planned, not expected, but the more I think about it the more I am getting excited about it. How can I not be excited when I look at my four beautiful children and see the best things I have in my life? There must be a reason or plan if this happened with all the precautions I take. (And don't you dare say it's the divine having a boring day and needing a laugh! LOL)

So that's it. My news. Take it as you like. I know many people are going to say I'm crazy. Four kids are plenty for anyone, and that's true. I can't accept any alternatives. It's my choice to make. Yes, my life will be more difficult and finances will be a little worse for the wear, but so be it. Love and family are more important to me than any amount of money anyway. John is happy about it (when he's not worrying) and the kids are beside themselves with joy. Every time they see me they ask about the baby and talk to him/her already. The only request I've had so far is from Caity who would like a girl so she "has someone to play with."

I hope everyone is doing ok. I promise to try to keep up with this and to comment where I can. I have been keeping up with everyone's posts, even when I haven't had the time to add my two cents.

Wish me luck everyone.... *grin*

Yes, I know it's been a few days, but at least I'm posting again in the same month. *grin*

I've been working on developing a few stories. I'm still afraid to get to the nitty gritty and actually write them. I've been tossing ideas around in my head and writing in my writing journal as things come to me so I don't forget it. Strangely enough the hardest part right now seems to be choosing a name for my characters and sticking to it. I think it's another of my self-defeating delay tactics.... I guess it is easy to confuse a blond.

On another note, I am blond again. (Yes, following the bouncing blonde's thoughts. They are all over the place today, lol.) I decided to bleach my hair again. I wasn't really sure I liked the red. I thought it made my face look red, which it does perfectly fine all on it's own, thank you very much. I let John pick out the shade and it looks ok. It canceled out the red that was left over, which is good. Last time I tried to bleach it I ended up strawberry blond. Not a bad look, but not what I was going for.

I may post a synopsis or something on my writing here in the next few days (*read - if it makes it up here at all it will be a miracle, lol) so I can get some comments. I may lock it out, depending on how happy I am with it. If you're not on the list to read it, feel free to leave a comment here to request to be added and I will add you. (Wow, that was a horrible sentence, but it's too late and I'm to tired to edit it.) If anyone wants to be added to my default readers group you can post that here as well.

I guess I'm off. Have to go spend time with my hubby before he thinks that I have left him for the computer. 

Make sure to tune in tomorrow. Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel.

Okay, duck and cover everyone, because I am actually posting two days in a row. *hee hee* This is the first part of my program to get myself writing so I can stop procrastinating.

Not much has been going on in my life. Had curriculum night for Caity and Brandon and it went well. Both kids are behaving (wasn't sure with Brandon, my little imp child) and eased my mind that they weren't struggling with any issues in the class. 

I've been reading some friends blogs lately that have had me thinking. My sis-in-law celebrated her eight anniversary and her post about it made me realize some things. Looking back at some of my posts I've only seemed to have negative things to say about my hubby and family. I know that that's not fair to them because I've been painting a one sided picture of them that really isn't accurate. It seems that I am mostly moved to write about my life when I am overwhelmed and need to organize my thoughts to make sense for myself. It's also a good outlet for me to express feelings that I know will pass once I've vented them and in some cases just getting them down is enough regardless of who reads them. The majority of the emotions that seem to trigger this seem to be all negative. With that thought, I have decided to write about some of the positive aspects of my family.

To start with, I will talk about my husband. The man without whom my children would not exist (at least not as they are now.) He's brilliant (though sometimes he tries to hide this behind his earthiness), loving, talented, patient (most of the time, lol), and the man that I am happy to spend the rest of my life with. He puts up with my moods and helps me to see things logically when I want to go on a shooting rampage. He does the majority of the housework that has become difficult on my body with minimal complaining. (Mostly only when I let the dishes pile up and he ends up doing them, which let me tell you isn't as often as he sometimes makes it out to be.) He has supported me in every idea, whim, business, and half-baked plan I have come up with. Even when he couldn't really help he just stood aside and didn't say anything negative while quietly letting me spend what I needed to make a go of it. He is a fantastic father to our beautiful children. He lends discipline when needed as well as jokes around and plays with them. He also has a fantastic singing voice! He really is a fantastic man. He's not perfect, but who could live with someone that is perfect. We've made it for over eleven and a half years, which is pretty darn good considering my longest relationship before that was three months. 

My kids are also just as fantastic. They are the most amazing things that I feel I have ever done. They all are so smart and loving. I can see both John and myself in them. We have our rough spots and fights, but we are a family in the truest sense of the word. I really can't think of words to describe them, so I think I need to think on it and maybe write about them another day.

About the only part of my life I feel I have truly neglected are my friendships. I have let so many fantastic people drift out of my life. Hopefully I can reconnect with some of them and renew our old friendships and keep each other in our lives now.

I hope all is well with everyone.  :-D

Well, yet again I am catching up. Too bad nothing interesting is happening. 

The kids are back in school and love it. (YAY!) This year Johnny has a study hall so he is actually doing all of his homework without fighting about it (so far *knocking on wood*.) The kids love their teachers. Brandon loves school. Luckily he got the same kindergarten teacher that the other three kids got. She's a great teacher that has instilled a love of learning in all of my other kids. (My boys wanted to marry her and my daughter wanted to be her, lol.)

I really haven't written anything. Not for lack of ideas though, just lack of time. It seems that every time I get something in my head I have either a million other things that need to be done a that exact moment, or I can't get my kids off the computer. I've tried writing by hand, but it seems my hand can't keep up with my brain and all I get for my efforts are a hand cramp and nearly illegible scrawl in my writing journal. I'm feeling very discouraged with the whole writing thing and am just terrified that anything I produce will just suck anyway.

Oh well.... I guess this is it for my update. Tonight we have to go to Caity and Brandon's curriculum night. Of course they are both at the same time so John gets to go to one and I go to the other. How exactly is this decided? Why by the very scientific method of which teacher is more attractive in John's eyes. Of course he gets to go to the one he likes the look of, while I don't care either way. I know he thinks Brandon's teacher is cute, so he will probably will end up at that one. I actually hope he goes to that so I can meet Caity's teacher and hear how her year will go. While I have gone through the second grade night before twice, every teacher is different with how they present the material. I already know the what and hows of Brandon's teacher. Hmmmm.... I think this year I get to pick.... LOL

I hope everyone is well. I apologize to everyone that I haven't gotten back to. So much has been going on that it's been hard to find time to just breathe let alone catch up. I haven't forgotten you, I promise! Feel free to send me an e-mail of phone call to yell at me. *grin*

Until later.....

Well, yet again I am catching up. I have been working so many hours that I've left myself completely burned out. Last week it was 53 hours between the two jobs with not a single day off. Not much for most people, but my body definately let me know it was not happy with me.

I've made many starts on my various stories, but yet to make any significant progess on anything. I've joined a really great critique groups on-line (http://www.critiquecircle.com - my username is Unycorne, big suprise there, I know) but have yet to have the guts to actually post anything to critique. Maybe part of it is that I haven't gotten anything to the point that I want anyone to read it. Of course my sister in-law just sent me a seventeen page story to read and critique. I am very proud of her, but jealous that I haven't produced anything of that length yet. Maybe it will be the thing that prompts me to produce something.

The kids start school next week. I'm sort-of undecided on how I feel. On one hand I make jokes about how long the summer has been and how I can't wait for it to be over, but I will miss them. They are just growing so quickly that I realize that they won't need or want me as much soon. Johnny is already getting to that stage with not showing affection when we are outside of the house. I had to chase him down the other day to plant a kiss on the top of his head. It was partly joking around, but it really made me realize how old he is getting. Where does the time go? *sigh*

We finally got a fish tank for the fish Caity won at the local carnival at the end of June. We also ended up buying some neon tetras, a couple of cheap gold fish, and a couple other fish that I can't remember the name of. Unfortunately Caity and Brandon's fish didn't make it, they both died within the last twenty-four hours. They lasted longer than twelve cent fish had any right to live I guess, but it was hard on the kids. Hopefully we can talk them into hardier fish with the next trip to the pet store.

Well, that's about it. Not much else is going on. I hope all is going well with everyone. I am off to catch up on my friends posts.... Take care!